Laundry or Rubbish?

I got ready to face the world one day last week and felt a bit frumpy. It didn't help that I had dug into my panty drawer and found myself with a fistful of spares. I couldn't believe that I let myself get down to my back-up underwears! Do you have back-ups? My desperado chonies are pairs of panties that are almost unwearable. I would never want to be seen in them, but they are better than going commando, or re-wearing a dirty pair. There are three pair in my drawer because, being The Queen of Good Intentions, although I mean to do the laundry once I've hit the spares, doesn't mean I remember to do it. But on this day, I donned my for-utility-only granny-p's, started a load of delicates, and hoisted the kids into the car for a Target jaunt.

We had quite a few things to buy at Target and as the cart began fill, the slippage started. Anyone who owns back-ups knows what slippage is because it is the curse of the spare pair - no elastic left in the waistband. With each step in the store I could feel my chonies shimmy down a little more... and a little more... until I was sure that you could see a rib of rolled underwear laying across the middle of my butt. I was mortified!! Panty line shmanty line, this felt like the Great Wall of China fortified across my derrière! The solution may seem simple to you: go to the bathroom and adjust! I really wanted to and I tried!! I wheeled my cart of goods over to the bathroom, but it was closed for cleaning. And if you're a mom, you know the hassle of the public restroom with kids and babies, so you'll sympathize with my resolve to get a move on, grab my last few items, and cash out immediately.

The attempt at immediacy, however, was my downfall. Walking faster only aided gravity and within two minutes my undies were off. I could feel them sliding down my legs and the only thing to stop them was the mercy of my pants crotch, which kept them from becoming anklets. My gait became awkward, as if my legs were bound for some sort of picnic race. I left Target conquered by the underwear that I thought would be the day's salvation, but that had betrayed and defeated me.

I threw them away in disgust when I got home (after quite an uncomfortable drive, might I add) and hurriedly finished the laundry. All has been right with the world since then. But there are still two pair that lurk beneath the pile of acceptable undergarments, and I worry that if I should throw those two away, can I live spare-less? How will I know that I am overdue on laundry without the horror of a day with spares jolting me into laundry reality? Maybe I should buy 10 more pairs? I can't go for THAT long without doing laundry... I hope.